My husband and I have 8 children and 5 grandchildren. Our daughter, Amy, has always been strong and independent. She protected and cared deeply for the people she loved. As a mother, she was amazing and so loving and nurturing with her children. I cherished watching her with them, seeing her pour out the kind of love that I sometimes struggled to express with her and her siblings because of my own challenges. She had a gift for seeing the good in people and was always willing to help however she could. This made what happened all the more difficult.
Amy started using marijuana at a young age and later entered a relationship with the father of her children, who struggled with opioid addiction for most of their time together. As life became more difficult, she eventually lost her job and began using harder drugs alongside him. I don’t know everything she used, but I do know that marijuana, cocaine, heroin, and fentanyl were among them.
Amy and the father of her children were repeatedly involved with law enforcement due to their substance use, which ultimately led to the removal of their children from the home. We were granted guardianship as a result. During this time, they lost stable housing and remain homeless. Sadly, both individuals now have felony convictions on their records related to their drug use and associated activity.
I tried to help her access treatment through my insurance, but she refused to go. I also brought her to a local Gospel Mission in hopes she would enter their program, but she would not commit. We have never stopped praying for her, and she has attended church with me a few times. Despite these efforts, she continues to choose her boyfriend and that lifestyle. We have made it clear that we are ready to help her with a step-by-step plan to get established whenever she is ready to turn her life around.
I found PAL while searching online for support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren. At the time, there wasn’t a local meeting available, so I began attending online meetings whenever I was able.
PAL has given me hope and a sense of community during one of the hardest seasons of my life. Before finding PAL, I felt very alone as a grandparent raising grandchildren in the middle of so much chaos. The meetings reminded me that I am not the only one walking this path, and that support and understanding are available.
The most helpful principles for me have been “Don’t do for your loved one what they can do for themselves” and “Detach with love.” These have helped me set healthier boundaries, let go of the guilt, and understand that I cannot fix the situation no matter how much I want to. Instead, I can focus on creating stability and love for my grandchildren while being ready to support their parents if and when they choose to truly seek help.
PAL has taught me practical tools, but more than that, it has given me peace of mind, encouragement, and a safe place to share openly without judgment. It has been life-changing to know I am not alone and that there is a path forward, even when the circumstances are still very difficult.
They are still homeless. I recently heard they had found jobs, but I am unsure if they are still working. We had a disagreement and have not spoken for some time, so I do not know their current situation in detail.
I am doing much better now and have found peace even in the middle of chaos because I’ve learned how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Attending PAL has changed my outlook on life by reminding me that I can’t control my loved one’s choices, but I can choose how I respond. That shift has lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. I have the blessing of grandchildren and will hold out hope that my daughter and her husband will find their way.
One of the biggest changes is that I no longer feel so alone. PAL has given me the tools and encouragement I needed, and now I am completing the facilitator training so I can lead a group locally. My hope is to offer the same support and hope to other struggling parents that PAL gave to me when I needed it most.
PAL Mom
