My son Marcus was born active. It seemed like from day one he was on the go, but I didn’t realize just how much that would impact our lives. Friends would always tell me how busy he seemed to be. I never really noticed because this was ‘normal’ behavior for me. He had an active imagination and was always doing something. In fourth grade, his teacher (the first one ever) asked me if I had ever considered evaluating him for ADD or ADHD. I made an appointment that day.
Marcus was started on medication that seemed to help but he didn’t like to take it. We later learned that in eighth grade he took some alcohol from our home and planned on sharing it with his buddies after school. He was trying to self-medicate so he didn’t have to take the prescribed meds. Although teen years can be chaotic, these years were above and beyond what you would expect. During this time, medications were changed to help with his ADD/ADHD but the mood swings were terrible. He began to skip classes and make excuses for why everything was always the fault of others. Things professed and he began getting into fights with teachers, falling asleep in class, sharing alcohol and drugs with classmates. It was so hard to understand, and it just kept getting worse until finally, he was suspended from school.
And yet, it got worse. He had a baseball injury and was prescribed pain medications, but he was always complaining that he didn’t have enough. Doctors prescribed more and more. Between the opioids, anti-depressants, and alcohol – we didn’t know which way to turn.
I finally broke one day and was weeping while I was trying to pump gas. Thinking no one was noticing, a kind person at the pump across from me took the time to listen to the woes of a stranger and share with me their journey with a loved one. As I started to get into my car, this kind stranger handed me a card. It was the information for Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PAL).
I went home and looked at the website. I found a PAL meeting that very night. My spouse and I both attended, and we listened to all the stories. We felt like we had finally found our people. They knew what we were going through, they were on the same journey we were. They understood our nightmare.
It took us a few weeks to fully digest and understand the PAL lessons, but we worked together to help our son. We stopped enabling him and gave him a choice – get the help you need, or we cannot have you living in our home actively using. He initially decided to move out but when he realized that he really didn’t have a place to go – he realized he could not do life anymore on his own. He made the decision to go to rehab.
It’s been 5 years, and it hasn’t been an easy road for Marcus. He knows he has to make a choice every single day to stay sober and embrace recovery. But he is making that decision, and we couldn’t be prouder of the work that he puts into his recovery. He now has a job and is getting ready to buy his first home. Things we thought were not even possible.
We are still attending PAL meetings so we can offer the same hope we received to other parents. We are also thankful to that kind stranger who first shared PAL with us – so we are always on the lookout for someone who may be suffering like we were – so we can offer them hope. God was certainly looking out for us during this journey that we’ve been on and we want to honor His steadfastness by giving back to PAL. We are now on the journey to become PAL facilitators. All thanks to a stranger and a group of people who opened their arms to us at our first PAL meeting.
A grateful PAL Mom
