I am the mom of three children, one son, one daughter, and one baby in Heaven. I also have two stepsons and four grandchildren, with one in Heaven.
My first child, Justin, was a bright, talented child with lots of energy! Early on in grade school, he had some behavior problems and was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) with hyperactivity. He struggled throughout school, and looking back, we both struggled emotionally from his father‘s alcohol abuse, as well as emotionally from verbal and physical abuse. When his father and I divorced, Justin exhibited some extreme emotional problems and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Then Justin’s dad died in a tragic accident when he was 16 years old, and at that time, he became an active user of marijuana.
Even with his substance use, Justin was able to manage jobs and rent a home and did pretty well for himself. But that did not last, and one day he drank excessively until he had a blackout and, in an accident, almost lost his thumb. This really scared him, and he stopped drinking immediately. Sadly, as is often the case, it did not last, and he then found pills to help with his anxiety. He also started using oxycodone, and it wasn’t long before he was addicted.
It was during this time that he reached out for help from me and his stepdad, and we paid for him to go to what we thought was a treatment center, but they gave him another drug to stay off the oxycodone. He was then addicted to this drug, and he was no longer able to keep his life together in any way. He lost his job. He eventually lost his home, and he has been homeless and on the streets for six years.
Recently, I learned he was incarcerated for 40 days, and I used that as an opportunity to really work my PAL program. I put up boundaries and did not issue bail money. My hope was that he would be forced to go into treatment after 40 days in jail. The judge, however, released him on probation and decided he would have to take random drug tests and figure out life on his own.
In the early days of his homelessness, I was desperate to find help for him, only to realize at that time he didn’t want help. That just made it more difficult as I felt like I was failing, but by the grace of God, I found help for myself by going to my first PAL meeting! I am so grateful for PAL and the tools it has given me to be strong and live my own life. PAL has taught me to take care of myself and put up boundaries! The biggest thing that I’ve realized is that even though my son acts like a child due to delayed emotional growth, I need to treat him like an adult.
Justin did not call me to let me know that he was released from jail. I deep down want him to find his way, but I know that my role is to let him discover that for himself. I know I cannot control this, but I do have hope that he will find recovery. I will always be encouraging and will be his biggest cheerleader.
As for me, today, I have taken on the role of a PAL facilitator, and I find strength in walking with others as we journey this path together as parents and families. One of my favorite Bible verses is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (NIV).
On the Journey, PAL Mom and Facilitator
