I am the mother of two grown children, a daughter and a son. I have one grandson and two granddaughters. My husband and I have been married for 40 years.
Growing up, my children were involved in several sports and activities, and we were very involved in our church. My son was always hyperactive, and a gifted athlete, pitching for the school varsity team in the 7th grade. He did have a quick temper, but was soft-hearted and could usually calm down and get over whatever got him angry.
When my son turned 16 and started driving, he would go off-road mud-bogging in the woods on the weekend. It was at this time he started drinking beer and smoking marijuana. I justified his behavior as typical country boy actions and in retrospect did not handle it the way I would now. He did graduate from high school and right away he got a job working outdoors for a tree trimming company. It was during this time that some of the workers turned him onto pills, both for pain and energy, since the job was so physical. That was the beginning of the next 10 years of misery.
Eventually, he left that job and tried working in a few different places but would always have an excuse for why it didn’t work out. That is when I discovered he was using crack cocaine. I was completely heartbroken and ignorant about drug use, only knowing what I had seen and heard on tv. But things were about to get worse. He was introduced to methamphetamine, and then everything became all about the drugs for him. He didn’t come home and when he did, he wanted money and if he didn’t get it, he would become violent and destructive. I felt helpless and hopeless because I didn’t want to have him arrested so I allowed this to keep happening. He would break into our home while we were at work and steal from us. I would go days, weeks, and months without knowing if he was dead or alive. I suffered in silence because of the shame and guilt. It was a nightmare that I was afraid would never end.
I feel as though I did everything wrong in my reaction to his behavior. I am not blaming myself, just recognizing the mistakes I feel I made because I did not know any better. I looked for help and I started following some Facebook groups about addiction. I was just overwhelmed and one day I finally surrendered it all to God. Once I let go and let God, this helped me in many ways. I was then able to follow through on boundaries and allow consequences. I turned him in for criminal activity and he was arrested. The good news was he was forced into sobriety, and it lasted about 90 days. But he was back out and using and he went back to stealing. We continued to call the police and file reports and he was arrested again. I spoke to him and strongly suggested treatment.
It was at this time that I found PAL. There were no support groups in my area, and I had been educating myself about addiction. I felt God leading me to help others so I started researching a support group I could start. I found PAL. It fit the bill perfectly because it supported everything I had learned about addiction and recovery, and it was faith-based.
I received the facilitator training from PAL and started my first meeting. After 16 months, I started a second meeting in a nearby town. People are so appreciative of the support and education offered by PAL.
Today, I can share at my meetings that I have been where they are. Also, today, after 3 different year-long stays in a treatment center, he has over 3 years in recovery. My son is married to another person in recovery, and they have a beautiful 7-month-old daughter. There was a time I never thought it would happen.
PAL was a perfect fit for me because it combines education and along with my faith is what I believe are the two most important tools we have in the fight against addiction. Education is key. We do not know how to help our loved ones without it. Faith for me is the only thing that can help us get through it with any kind of hope or joy. I urge anyone who is dealing with this to reach out and find help. Don’t let shame and guilt keep you quiet and bound. Addiction thrives in the dark and we must shine the light!
A thankful PAL Mom
