My husband has two girls from a previous marriage, and together we have fraternal twins (boy/girl) who are currently in their late twenties. My loved one, Lindsey, was an athlete growing up and an overachiever in school, always going above and beyond what was required.
She loved sports and was doing well on the basketball team in high school. However, Lindsey started smoking marijuana at about age 16, and then her negative behavior started to catch up to her, and she got cut from the basketball team in her junior year. She started hanging out with different friends. Then things got worse, and she also developed an addiction to Xanax, which progressed through her senior year and into her first semester at community college. Her life was spiraling, and eventually, she just dropped out of college since she was skipping so much school and basically sleeping through life under the influence of Xanax. She moved in with a boy who introduced her to many more drugs, and now she began getting into legal trouble. This became a pattern with different boys. Lindsey would come home for a while, then move out again to a different situation. Eventually, she just came home and continued using drugs, living in our basement. By this time, she was addicted to fentanyl and still in legal trouble. Having her live with us brought a lot of chaos and was very stressful. We put locks on our doors because we couldn’t trust her not to steal from us. We just could not force ourselves to kick her out.
She overdosed once, and had the first responders not performed CPR and taken her to the hospital, she wouldn’t be with us today. This seemed like a wake-up call, and she asked for help and went to a local clinic, and tried suboxone, but didn’t really stick with it. She then went to rehab that was paid for through an opioid grant, but got kicked out a couple of weeks short of completing it and immediately relapsed. Eventually, I did a lot of research on addiction and rehabs and found options for her. She went to more rehabs and kept getting kicked out for breaking rules, and then would immediately relapse. This continued for a couple of years; she was in and out of treatment 5 times.
During this time, I realized what I was doing was not working, and I decided to try support groups and found one that was helpful but just didn’t feel like a good fit. I looked online for support groups specifically for parents of someone suffering from addiction and found PAL. I decided to try a PAL meeting – what did I have to lose?
I am so thankful that I did try the meeting. From my first PAL meeting, I felt so heard and accepted, and just being surrounded by people with similar stories made me feel less alone and so much better. I learned that I do deserve happiness despite what my daughter is doing. I realized that I was powerless against addiction, and as much as I wanted to fix things for my daughter I just couldn’t. Over the years, I’ve felt so much shame about my daughter being addicted and didn’t want to talk about her to anyone, but after coming to PAL I no longer feel that shame and I have more empathy for those who suffer with addiction.
My daughter finally went to a rehab that was very faith-based, a Christ-centered program and this one she completed. She is currently in a sober living house owned by that rehab and is working, going to meetings, going to church, and figuring out how to be an adult. I know it may not seem like much, but she recently passed 90 days of sobriety and has made great progress, and I’m so very proud of her and hopeful for her future.
I am doing much better since I found PAL, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I let go of trying to change my daughter. I feel like this whole experience has also strengthened my faith. It’s a relief to just give it all to God and trust that whatever happens, He is in control. I have shared PAL brochures with many treatment facilities and churches and tell people about how it has changed our lives. I am so thankful for PAL and enjoy my weekly meetings on Zoom.
Thankful PAL Mom
