I’m a single mom and grandma. I have 2 beautiful daughters and a granddaughter.
My daughter who struggled with alcohol was so smart, a straight A student and super athletic. She did everything: soccer, volleyball, gymnastics, Taekwondo, track, AND basketball. This is when I saw her perseverance and dedication. I remember once when she had a volleyball tournament. She insisted on playing in spite of having the flu, even though this was pre-covid and people were not as concerned, I told her that she didn’t have to play, and that I would talk to the coach. She said, “No, I’m playing.” She helped her team win that game, scoring the last six points. Another great memory was when she was in track in high school, she competed in the 100m hurdles, and at her first meet, she tripped over the first hurdle, scraping the whole right side of her body. She got up and finished the race jumping every hurdle. I remember almost crying seeing her fall but seeing her get up and finish was incredible. She cried at home when she needed to shower, I had to help her because she was scraped so badly. I was always so proud of her!
My memories then shifted later as she started using marijuana at the age of 16/17 (or at least that’s when I noticed). In her senior year, she got caught at school and had to attend a special course the last month before graduation. Despite all this, she was high when she walked the stage at graduation.
After graduation, she didn’t work or go to school. When I noticed that she was smoking marijuana in my house, I told her that was not allowed and that if she didn’t find a job or sign up for school, she needed to leave. She moved out when she was 18. Many things happened over the next three years, and I allowed her to move back with me right after having a baby. She told me that she tried other drugs the first year she moved out. I wanted to help and as far as I could tell she was sober that year. She was a very devoted mother; it was beautiful to see how much she loved her baby. In the following year, she got a job in the restaurant business and that’s when things started to go downhill again. She started drinking and staying out late. Then it became days before she would come home. She also started neglecting her daughter. She was arrested twice (possession & DWI). I never got involved in the legal part of her arrests as I felt she had to deal with that on her own. I knew she was on probation, that’s it. I set boundaries that involved her having to leave my home several times. I tried talking to her, which probably came across as lecturing and I tried to do things for her like calling places for her to get help. She didn’t want any of it. Sadly, she has never gone to rehab or sought counseling.
I found PAL in late January of this year through my church. PAL has been a Godsend. All the lessons are great, but if I had to pick one it would be Lesson 1: Delayed Emotional Growth, which set the standard of how this journey was going to be. It took the burden off my heart and helped me understand my daughter on a whole different level. It brought me so much peace. The way I handle certain behaviors and conversations is so different now. Less arguments! Things now are so much better than eight months ago. My daughter still struggles, but I am seeing she is making small efforts to be a good mom to her baby. As for myself, I’m a different person. I am forever thankful for PAL, for my mentors and for the other parents. I don’t feel alone, and I love that I can laugh and cry with them. I hardly miss meetings, they’re so important to me. My outlook now is HOPEFUL.
PAL Mom
