The Two Cardinal Rules
One of the most difficult parts of loving someone struggling with addiction is knowing
when to help and when to step back.
PAL Founder Mike Speakman taught two simple guidelines that can help parents
respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally:
Give No Unasked-For Help
1) Avoid stepping in to solve problems that haven’t been clearly brought to you.
2) Give No Instant Answers – Avoid making decisions in the middle of pressure, fear, or urgency.
Why It Matters
When we immediately rescue, fix, or solve problems, we may unintentionally prevent
our loved one from developing the responsibility and problem-solving skills they need.
These two rules help create space for healthier choices, clearer thinking, and stronger
boundaries.
Try This This Month
The next time you’re asked for help, practice saying:
“Let me think about that and get back to you.”
Give yourself permission to pause before responding. A thoughtful response is often
more helpful than an immediate one.
Many of the principles shared in this section come from The Four Seasons of Recovery by PAL Founder
Mike Speakman.
Explore more in the book: https://books.palgroup.org/
